the meat trade

Having a fun time on tour, to the extent that me and Thomas have vaguely talked about taking it to the USA in autumn – now that would be wicked. So far on this tour I’ve seen 9 lizards of one kind or another, which must be a record.

In Glasgow we managed to lock the keys in the van – left them still in the ignition! This was because the key had a hairline crack, so we’d got in the habit of locking and unlocking doors from the inside, to reduce wear until we had a chance to get a couple new keys made. After swearing quite a lot and getting nowhere with the AA, we just left the van outside the house overnight (you couldn’t see the key in the dark and it was a posh area), then I got up at 5.45am to watch the van til we could phone a mobile locksmith. £45 later, we were rescued – and of course it took him about 15 seconds to get in, with one of those scary locksmith devices.

Then we went and got new keys cut. We were told that the key cutting man used to be an infamous local pimp before retiring into ironmongery. What a career change!

So it’s a week later and, during our day off, I catch up on laundry and watch some films. Across town, Thomas makes a gourmet meat paté from a Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall book. Thomas White is a meat freak, people… he’s got a dream and it involves a whole pig’s head. I suggest (how good an idea is this!?) that we cut the paté into manageable slices, clingfilm it up, put a sticker on it saying “Thomas White Paté” and sell it on the merch. That would SO rule, at least for the few days before it went off in the van.

What is it with classic fantasy literature being ruined by shitty films? It grinds my gears! Watched The Golden Compass and Studio Ghibli’s dismally embarrassing attempt at Tales From Earthsea in the last few days and they both need someone to get a severe beating for their sheer shiteness. Goro Miyazaki (son of their legendary master Hayao Miyazaki) is simply not up to the job. I can see why Ursula Le Guin was so uncomfortable with the cartoonised Earthsea – I wonder where Pullman stands on The Golden Compass.

When we were kids, our house had a ban on any Disney cartoons that adapted (read: ‘fucked up bigtime’) classic books, like Winnie-The-Pooh and The Jungle Book. Good move T-T Snrs, I’ll be carrying that one forward if I ever have sprogs of my own. There’s honestly not much worse in the world than a Walt Disney re-imagining of Winnie-The-Pooh, it’s on a par with Robert Mugabe or those idiots in Burma.

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3 responses to “the meat trade

  1. Wait, they made a movie of the Earthsea trilogy??? When did that happen?

    Haven’t actually read those books but I do love “Planet of Exile” and “The Left Hand of Darkness”.

    All these shit fantasy movies are to Jackson’s LOTR what shoegazing was to MBV.

  2. Hey:) You’re a man after my husband’s heart (lol)… he makes a BIG DEAL about the horror of Disney. So now there’s the whole debate on family gatherings about ‘classic Pooh’ and ‘Disney Pooh’. Recently my mum bought Disney Pooh ride-along thingy for our daughter, and made a big apology beforehand to Mr D… how we all laughed;) We don’t have Disney cartoons, instead we have old stuff like ‘Bod’ and ‘The Flumps’ but do worry we’re bringing her up in a time warp, what with all the 70s rock aswell:0
    Hoping to catch you playing ‘London Calling’ as otherwise I have to wait until Sept!
    Anyways, happy touring,
    Mrs D

  3. Personally, I have no issue with Disney films. Although I do think the Jungle Book (in all its forms) is shit. Yeah, I said it – it’s shit. I don’t want to walk or talk like you, I would however like to remove your tongue.

    musicals, as a rule, should be avoided at all costs. Although I do want to see Sweeney Todd, but more so to indulge my inexplicable male infatuation with Johnny Depp.

    Good to see you saturday sir.

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